Breakup letters are not necessarily the ideal way to handle a split in your relationship. Your first priority should be to do it in person. Be extremely clear in your mind about the fact that you want to end the relationship.

You also want to emphasize why, so that when you are face to face with them, you don’t lose your grip or your nerve and fumble up the breakup. (Oh yes, this happens too and an unsuccessful breakup can lead to an extremely vague and limbo-like relationship.)

If for some reason you are unable to go through with an in person meeting, then the second best choice is breakup letters. You don’t want to do it by phone, text or email. You want to use a hand-written letter on an actual piece of paper.

If you decide to go with break up letters, there are certain guidelines you should follow. When writing, make sure the letter is clear and to the point, and not too long. Be as clear as you can about why you want to break up.

Be polite, firm and honest about their role in it as well as your own. And throughout, imagine how you would feel on receiving a breakup letter so you can ‘tone it down’ with them a little, no matter how hurt or angry or upset you may feel at the moment.

Make certain that your soon to be ex receives the breakup letter. You can deliver it in person if you have the guts, or you can either have a friend you trust deliver it or send it registered or certified mail, so you know for sure it was received.

When on the receiving end of breakup letters, it is best to remain calm. No matter what the letter says, your first reaction will probably be to rush out at once and get a hold of your partner, or call them, or scream at them.

DON’T react this way no matter what the situation. Your partner probably has a good excuse for not meeting you in person to announce that they want to separate. Be respectful of that decision. Take a few days to digest what just happened and get your thoughts together.

Do not appear desperate by reacting immediately to breakup letters. Maybe you want to try to win your ex back. Be as mature about it as possible and do what you can to let them know you’re still okay and that you’re moving on fine.

Who knows, they may be piqued enough to come back a little bit closer, they might even decide that their breakup letter was a mistake and restore the relationship. This is why your initial reaction is crucial.